Overwhelming Hate

I have still been talking to the last guy who took advantage of me, from time to time (for the most part, I have completely ignored him for 6 months. He claimed he wanted to be my friend when we first started talking, then stepped on the gas and pushed things at lightning speed just to use me and is so full of shit back steping claiming that all he ever wanted was friendship. Here is the last part of an ongoing conversation:

me: it has been a very emotionally taxing week and it was actually triggered by something that you said…..

him:I hope it was meant to help you know how much I care
me: it only roiled up all the hurt and bad feelings starting all the way back to my neighbor.
him: I am glad it is all coming out I meant nothing to ever hurt you
me: …………….I wasn’t ready for everything to come out all at once and that is exactly why I was extremely close to wanting to take my own life this past week…………….
him:Have you ever wondered if he hurt your brother as well?
him: I am always here for you no matter what! I am sorry I wasn’t available to talk. The library is closing so I have to go call me if you want I will buy more minutes next week
me: I find it easier to talk to the other people on the support forum that I found who actually have been through what I have been through rather then you who has no memory and hurt me as well.
him: I am very glad it helps and sharing it with mom will help greatly also. But if you ever need me even just to talk I will always be there ok. I will always be your friend.
me: …….I actually had a panic attack when I thought you might be in the same library location that I was for internet. If you wanted so much to be my friend, there are so many things that you did wrong that will take me time to get over in order to be able to talk to you about any of this stuff.
June 18th, 11:03am
me: You know…..the more I talk about my neighbour and the ex-con, the angrier I get at you for what you did, allowing yourself to loose control when I was at my weakest……
me: Also the more I question your true motives to begin with.
June 18th, 2:04pm
him:If you know how much I love my unborn children you should know I would never want to put them through the shame of being born out of wedlock or intentional poverty. My actions were foolish even dumb but not malicious in any way
me: ….I wish I could believe that right now….
Monday 8:48pm
me: I guess eventually you will read my blog and respond to the fact that I put you in the same category as the ex-con and my neighbor.
Tuesday 2:56am
me: Also, my bear that I let you borrow for all those months, still hasn’t been back on my bed! For one thing it still smells like your stinky sweaty ass and for another, it reminds me too much of what you did! I have gotten quite happy with the extra room with him still wrapped in plastic!
Saturday 11:40am
me: not interested in responding to what I said to you I guess…….
him: I am simply not responding to anything negative though I am happy you are getting help
me: oh so now your going to push it back on me just like everyone else huh?
him: I see it as listening without argument since that solves nothing. you need someone to listen not argue about it
me: oh and by the way, many of the people on my forum…..know about what you did…….
him: Say what you like we completely disagree my sins were true stupidity and assumption nothing more so I learned and am at peace about it
10 hours ago
me: I dont know if you got my angry voice mail but I am going to say it here again. You knew about my neighbour, you knew about how I felt about the ex-con, how the fuck can you not think what you fucking did was more than stupidity!?!?!?!?!? You are just a much a fucking manipulator as the other two men and took KNOWINGLY took advantage of me at my weakest. MAYBE if you ACTUALLY REMEMBERED something about YOUR experience, you have a fucking understanding of what it’s like!!!!!!
He CLAIMS that there was an experience when he was 2 years old that all he remembers is the fear of his aunt and nothing else, if that was the case, you would think he would have had more of an understanding about what I was going through.